When My Heart Finds Christmas
by B R Cary
Summary: Sometimes things turn out much better than you expect them to.


**When My Heart Finds Christmas**

"How the hell was I supposed to know?" Detective Bobby Goren grumbled as he carried his suitcase down the hotel's corridor.

"I'm not blaming you, Bobby," Bobby's partner, Detective Alex Eames replied. "It's not your fault the witness has already gone out of town."

"I still can't believe there is only one room left," Bobby muttered under his breath.

"At least it's not the stables." When Bobby threw Alex a look that said he had no idea what she was talking about, she added, "You know, the first Christmas when there was no room in the inn for Mary and Joseph. I thought it was a fitting joke seeing that it happens to be Christmas Eve."

"I hardly think you're a virgin." At the look of hurt that crossed Alex's face, Bobby knew he had crossed the line. He quickly said, "I'm sorry, Eames. That was uncalled for."

Alex shrugged. "Well, it's not the nicest thing you have ever said to me." 

When Alex was silent the rest of the way down the hall, Bobby knew that he had hurt Alex's feelings more than she was letting on. At their assigned room, he opened the door and followed her in. He was relieved to see that the room at least had two double beds. He put his suitcase on the one nearest to the door, then took Alex's from her and placed it on the other one. "I'm going to grab a shower," he said as he walked back to his suitcase and opened it. As he grabbed the necessary items, he could hear his mother scolding him for not being a gentleman. He looked back at Alex, who was putting her jacket on the coat 

rack. "Would you like to use it first?"

"No, you go ahead," Alex said quietly.

As Bobby made his way to the bathroom, he mentally berated himself. Why had he said that to Alex? Now she must think he thought that she was some sort of tramp. Nothing could be further from the truth. He knew Alex was not the type to sleep around. And now he was probably the last person she wanted to be around right now. She also must think that she was the last person that he wanted to be with on Christmas Eve. That was also not true. In fact, that was one of the reasons he was upset. He had planned a whole evening for the two of them including a homemade dinner, prepared by him, and a bottle of her favorite wine, which was sitting on his counter at home. He had wanted this night to be special. It had been so long since he had wanted to celebrate Christmas that he had wanted to go all out. But instead, he was stuck with the right person, but in completely the wrong place under completely the wrong atmosphere.

Sighing deeply, Bobby quickly got undressed and into the shower. Why did he always take his bad moods and frustration out on Alex? She never did anything to deserve that type of 

treatment from him. She was supposed to be his partner and friend and, yet, he treated her like garbage sometimes. Why was that? He didn't treat other women that way. He had been taught to respect women and treat them with fairness. He had treated Alex that way as well, until recently. And there was no one else he knew who would watch his back better than she could. So that wasn't it. He truly enjoyed Alex's company, so it wasn't that he disliked her as a person. Why then did he do the things he did?

Frustrated that no answers were coming, Bobby got out of the shower and dried off. After getting dressed, he picked up his work clothes and went back in the main part of the room. He spotted Alex on her cell phone and wondered who she was talking to. That was quickly answered when Alex said, "Yes, Mom."

Bobby caught Alex's eye. "The bathroom's free."

Alex nodded, and then made her way to the bathroom, saying as she did, "Yes, Mom, that was Bobby. I explained that I was stuck out of town on a case. There was only one hotel room left." Then as she closed the bathroom door, she said sharply, "No, Mom."

Bobby suppressed a grin, almost certain what Alex's mother has asked. No, he and Alex weren't a couple. He wondered at the wave of sadness that washed over him at the thought. He shook his head, trying to clear it. Why was he feeling this way? He didn't feel that way about Alex? Sure there were times he wanted to kiss her. Yes there were nights when he wished she was in his arms as he slept. And certainly there were occasions when he wondered what it would be like to make love to her, but Alex was a very beautiful woman and he hadn't been with anyone for quite some time now. Surely those thoughts were normal.

Sighing again, Bobby crossed the room to hang up his suit, trying unsuccessfully to get his mind away from his previous thoughts. As he walked by the bathroom, he heard Alex say softly, "He doesn't want to be here, Mom. Actually, I don't think he wants me here." At the way Alex's voice sounded, Bobby's heart dropped again. He had to do something to make it up to her, to show her that she was the only one he wanted to spend his time with. Looking around the barren room, he suddenly had an idea. Writing a quick note to Alex, he grabbed his coat and headed out the door.

Bobby made his way to the hotel's front entrance and as he exited, he quickly glanced up and down the street. Most of the stores were dark, but there was one with its lights on down the street a little ways. He hoped they would have what he needed. He hurried down the street, buttoning his coat against the cold. He pushed open the store and saw that it was a small, drug store. Scanning the store, he did not see what he wanted. A quick walk around showed him that they indeed did not have what he had come to get. Disheartened, he was about to leave the store when he heard a soft voice ask, "May I help you?" 

Turning, Bobby saw an older woman standing there. She was dressed to look like Mrs. Claus and had the kind face to match. "I was looking for some Christmas decorations, but I see you don't have any left."

"No, I'm sorry. But, if I must say, isn't Christmas Eve a little late to be decorating?" the woman asked, but there was no accusation in her voice.

"Uh, I'm stuck here in town on business. My business partner is also here and I wanted to decorate her hotel room," Bobby said, wondering why he was telling a stranger this.

"Oh, no," the woman exclaimed. "No one should be stuck in a hotel room during the holidays."

"Do you know of any other stores that might be open?" Bobby inquired.

"No, I'm sorry. I was just getting ready to close down myself."

Bobby sighed. Yet another plan ruined. "Thank you, anyway. I'm sorry to have bothered you."

The woman shook her head. "No bother at all, my boy." Then she paused. "Wait a moment. I just remembered that I have a small Christmas tree I used to put out in my front entrance. I haven't used it in years. You are more than welcome to it."

Shaking his head, Bobby said, "Thank you, but I couldn't take something that held any memories for you." 

"Nonsense," the woman replied. "I'd be glad seeing it used to help brighten someone's holiday instead of just sitting around collecting dust. Wait here and I'll go get it."

"May I be of any help?"

"It's sweet of you to offer, but the box is right inside the storage room." The woman hurried off and came back about five minutes later with a box in her arms. "Here you are. The decorations are in the box, as well. I checked."

"I can't thank you enough," Bobby said as he took the box from her, and then pulled his wallet out of his pocket. "What do I owe you?"

"Nothing at all. Just count this as my bit of Christmas cheer."

Bobby was touched by the older woman's generosity, but he felt bad that she wouldn't accept payment for the gift. "Are you sure I can't offer you anything?"

The older woman just smiled. "Go and have a good holiday. That will be payment enough."

"Thank you," Bobby said again.

"You are most welcome. Now you better get going before your lady friend thinks you forgot about her," the woman said as she gave Bobby a gentle push toward the door.

"Merry Christmas," Bobby said as he walked out of the store.

"Merry Christmas," the woman responded. "And God bless."

Bobby walked back to the hotel and as he entered the lobby, he realized that he had not gotten the name of the store owner. Looking back down the street, he saw that the store's lights were now off. He would have to find out the woman's name in the morning. Right now, he had to get back upstairs to Alex so she didn't think he had ditched her.

As Bobby opened the door to his and Alex's hotel room, he spotted Alex with her back to him. "I'm back."

"Where did you go?" Alex asked quietly, still not turning around.

"I had an errand to run," Bobby said as he crossed over to where Alex stood. "I, uh, got you something."

Alex finally turned and looked up at Bobby. When he saw the faint traces of tears on his normally tough partner's face, he vowed that he would stop taking his frustrations out on her. 

"You didn't need to get me anything."

"Yes, I did," Bobby answered. "I needed some way to say I am sorry for being such an ass earlier. Of course, I haven't actually seen the contents of the box, so you might be mad at me again when you see it."

"I'm not mad, Bobby," Alex said.

"You should be. And you have a right to be."

Alex shrugged noncommittally and then, suddenly, she smiled, which made Bobby's heart start to beat faster. "Should I be concerned that you bought me a present sight unseen?"

"I hope not. Let's open it and find out."

Laughing softly, Alex took the box from Bobby and walked over to the table that was in the corner of the room. Setting the box on top, she carefully opened the lid. She gasped as she peered inside. Bobby hurried over to stand beside her. Inside the box was a beautiful, miniature tree already strung with tiny lights. All around the tree were small, painted, wooden ornaments equally as beautiful. Bobby was stunned that the store keeper had given this to him free of charge. He sent up a silent thank you and made a promise to himself that he would get the woman's name. "Bobby, where did you get this?"

Bobby debated on how much he should tell Alex, and then he decided she deserved to know the truth. "I couldn't stand the thought of you being forced to spend Christmas with a grumpy partner in a barren hotel room, so I went out to find some decorations. All the shops were closed but one. The woman who owned the store didn't have anything left, but when I told her the reason I wanted them, she gave me this tree."

"What a generous gift," Alex said as she gingerly took the tree out of the box and set it on the table. "Come on, let's see what it looks like decorated."

For the next half hour, Bobby helped Alex place the ornaments on the tree. He was glad that his present had worked and that Alex was once again back to her usual self. Looking at her, he wondered how he had missed how much her smile it up her face or how stunning she was when she laughed. He was also extremely aware that every time their hands brushed as they hung the ornaments, it was like a shock wave hit his body. Suddenly, as 

he stood there watching Alex put the star on top of the tree, it all became clear. He finally realized why he treated Alex the way he did. He was in love with her. He had always known he loved her as a friend, but he just now figured it out that he was head-over-heels, sappy love song in love with her. Why hadn't he realized it before? He treated her badly because he had been fighting the pull she had on him. But in the end it hadn't worked. He had fallen anyway. 

Bobby was brought back into the moment by Alex saying, "Well, what do we have here?"

"What is it?"

"This," Alex said as she pulled something that looked like a sprig of mistletoe out of the box.

"Is that what I think it is?" Bobby inquired.

Alex laughed. "I believe it is." She set it down on the table. "Don't worry. Since we aren't standing under it, you aren't required to kiss me. Anyway, let's see if the tree lights up."

As Alex bent over to plug in the tree, Bobby looked at the abandoned mistletoe. He knew what he wanted to do, but could he find the courage? Suddenly he wanted only one thing for Christmas. He picked up the mistletoe just as Alex stood back up, barely noticing that the tree was now twinkling with tiny, white lights.

"It's beautiful," Alex said, turning to hug Bobby. "Thank you so much for going out and getting it."

Bobby nodded, but all he could think of was how good Alex felt wrapped around him. He knew he had gotten the perfect moment. Leaning down a little, he lightly kissed Alex. As he pulled back, he noticed the look of surprise on her face. He showed her the mistletoe. "I just couldn't let the tradition go uncelebrated."

Alex gave a slight smile, but as she turned back toward the tree, Bobby saw that she had taken his comment the wrong way. He threw the mistletoe back on the table and pulled Alex back into his arms.

"Bobby?" Alex questioned softly.

In answer, Bobby leaned in again and recaptured Alex's lips with his own. The kiss started out as chaste as the one they had just shared, but grew in passion. Things progressed quickly from there and before Bobby fully registered the extent of what was truly happening, he lay spent in Alex's arms. He knew he should feel nervous or at least a bit concerned that the two of them had just broken about 100 NYPD rules, but all he felt was content. He ran his hand through Alex's hair and said quietly, "I have been wanting to do that for so long."

Alex raised her head from Bobby's chest. "Why didn't you ever say anything?"

"I guess I just wasn't ready, but I am now," Bobby answered, and then he remembered what had happened earlier. "I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings before or made you feel that I didn't want to be here. Where it is true that I don't want to be here on this case, please don't think I don't want to be with you."

"Where did you want to be?"

"Back at my house, in front of the fireplace. That's part of the reason I was I such a jackass earlier. I had a whole evening planned for the two of us and this case ruined it," Bobby admitted.

"So what, you were planning on seducing me?" Alex teased, but Bobby could hear the note of disbelief in her voice.

"Honestly, no. I just wanted to spend Christmas Eve with you." Bobby paused for a moment. "Then again, I do happen to have a bottle of your favorite wine currently sitting on my counter at home, so maybe deep down I did."

Alex laughed softly. "Hearing you say that is the best Christmas present I have gotten in a long, long time."

Bobby lay there for a moment just looking at the woman lying beside him. How could he have denied his feelings for so long? Now that he had admitted it to himself, it seemed so obvious. He knew Alex deserved to know, so he said softly, "I love you."

Breaking into a huge smile, Alex said, "I've wanted to hear that from you for so long. I love you, too."

Bobby leaned over and kissed Alex. "Well, now you will hear it from me every chance I get."

Hugging Bobby, Alex said, "Thank you for making this a wonderful Christmas, Bobby."

"Merry Christmas, Alex."

The end

_**Author's Note: **_I originally wrote this story for the X-Files, but I thought it would work really well as a Bobby/Alex story, too.I hope you enjoyed this Christmas story in March. And to paraphrase the X-Files, consider this a very late or very early Christmas present. I hope you enjoyed it. Please review and let me know what you thought.


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